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This time of year is very overwhelming for me. There’s so many things to accomplish. And it seems like my life is already busy with doing what has to be done. Adding shopping for nieces and nephews that I barely know, making gifts to save money, wrapping and shipping all the gifts, decorating, going to social events where I don’t know anybody, getting gifts for Mr. and the kids, and fighting the weather and crowds, just makes me want to crawl under the covers and come back out in the spring.
When there’s so much to do, I freeze. I have all kinds of strategies that I implement. I make lists. I schedule time to accomplish tasks. I try to live in the moment. But it’s still hard. I get confused and discouraged. Especially when I get behind in the laundry and cleaning, etc. It’s like all the things are spinning around my head, making me dizzy and tired.
Some of you seem to be so good at handling all this activity. Shoot, you even clean and decorate your home and have people over! I used to think that I was supposed to be like that. I understand now that I’m not wired like that and I have to work with who I am. I am able to accept who I am. I just wish I could defeat the anxiety that is so ingrained in me from so many years of trying to be something that I’m not.
Because it’s the anxiety that is beating me up. All the things going on around me and the things that need to be done are not that big of a deal. I know that! I just get overwhelmed and incapacitated by my perception of the size of the tasks. See, I can even sit here and logically write that sentence, but the knot remains in my stomach and the weariness still adds weight to my bones.
So, that’s what’s really going on here. It’s good to be able to write about it. I’m sure I’m not the only one. Right?
Filed under: Figuring Me Out, Heavy Stuff
I completely understand. I think I’m finally over the anxiety this year, though. Last year, my FIL passed away right before Christmas, so we were dealing with that, as well as Christmas. I let a lot of Christmas things slide, and everything still turned out OK. I think that’s when I realized that I didn’t have to put any pressure on myself. Heck, I’m not even sending out Christmas cards this year!
No, you are not the only one. There’s a resounding ME, TOO from over here. I just can’t cope at the moment. I have post it notes stuck everywhere and a constant overwhelming sense of panic. It’s not just you. Maybe one day I’ll have the strength to be comfortable and happy with who I am and not always be coveting the person I want to be.
Dear friend, you are not the only one. I’ve sERIOUSLY simplified Christmas over the last few years b/c it was just no fun for me anymore. I don’t send out cards, don’t go to parties, don’t throw parties, don’t do much store shopping (internet, sewing, making, etc.) keep decorating VERY simple, let the kids go to grandmas when I’m tired, and let the laundry pile up while I drink tea and rest. Cutting out all the church and preschool parties was critical. Feeling obligated to take food, donate money, it’s just too much. When you have your own kids to take care of, it’s enough. I felt like a scrooge at first, but then I realized that if I was happier, my family would be, too.
Just my .02
Pinky
(((hugs))) Only do what you can handle. I know the feeling well, the endless todo list swirling in your head and you don’t know what to start on first. If I tackle one thing at a time, and just START on them, then everything seems to fall into place. This year has been a bit stressful, but it seems like that is usually the way it is.
Don’t let it get to you! There’s lots of pressure around the holidays, I’m starting to feel some as realize my bathroom has seen a cleaning solvent in too long and my parents are arriving on Wednesday. Hmmm….this may cause me some stress too. But it’s important to know when to let go of something if you’re really not going to have enough time to get to it.
No way are you the only one. I get so bogged down with everything. Every year I make a promise to do all shopping online the next year. The crowds drive me up a wall! And my house? Nothing worth comparing to anyone else’s, believe me. Trying to find contentment here and it’s hard some days, but I do have to remember how much we have and where (not what but whom) my worth comes from.