This week marks one year since I started blogging. When I started to blog, I had a head full of things that I wanted, even needed, to say. I had wounds in my heart that weren’t healing. The bitter monologue of my woes played over and over in my mind.

After testing the waters for a little while, I was able to vent some of those things. (Mostly categorized under “Figuring Me Out” and “Heavy Stuff”). I found that releasing just a portion of my pain helped the rest of it to dissipate. The feedback I received was so insightful and encouraging that I was able to believe, on a practical level, that I am not “the only one.”

I think that many of us blog for this reason. We have a need to be known, especially by others that can relate. I love this forum, where I can bear my soul if I so wish. Or not. No one is requiring me to be anything here. I can be me, and you can be you.

So, thank you, my bloggy friends, for “listening” (even if you never do come out of your feed reader ).

I saw this bumper sticker in a store awhile ago and thought it was kind of funny. Today, I saw it on the bumper of a woman’s car. This time I did not think it was humorous at all. In fact, it made me sad, and a little angry. What was a silly sentiment in the store, became a message encouraging stupidity and violence on a mother’s bumper.

Seriously, what is she trying to say to, and about, her kids? “Hey, sweet child, our hope and future, it’s o.k. to act dumb and do poorly in school, as long as you can bully the smart kids.” Or “Look, world, my kid’s an idiot and out of control!” She is either enouraging her kid to be ignorant, or she’s embarrassing the heck out of them.

Is it just me? Maybe I’m just PMS-ing. What do you think?

This week’s is What I Want

I want to be able to sleep like this:

Or this:

Or even this!

Visit Stacy to see what others want today.

We are not moving to Illinois in December.

Mr. never received written orders because 1) there weren’t any openings in the position he was promised; 2) his current command decided to not release him; and 3) he didn’t even qualify for the new position.

And that’s how the Navy rolls.

This is good news and bad news. First, it’s great to finally know! Also, not moving relieves a huge financial concern we had about trying to rent or sell our house in this horrible market. We also get to stay where we are established and have many close friends. But it is a bummer that we won’t get to be closer to my family. (I still haven’t told my mother). Also, there is now a strong possibility that Mr. may get assigned to a combat zone come next April. (We’ll deal with that if and when it happens). So, we don’t know where we’ll be next spring, but we do know that we will remain in Maryland until then.

Photo by Earl What I Saw 2.0

My baby brother (he’s 30) is in the Army. He’s currently on his second deployment to Iraq. The first one lasted 19 months. That was towards the beginning of the war. He went back in March of this year for 15 months.

Shortly after he got there, he sent the following e-mail. I thought I’d share it with you. This is coming from an idealistic young man, who is normally VERY cynical.

…I also have a job! I walked into my new unit, and they said “Congratulations! We’ve been waiting for you. You’re in charge!” When I deployed, no one knew exactly where I was going, or what I would be doing. I love the Army. [read with sarcasm]

I am now the NCO In Charge for my squadron’s intelligence shop. I have been working here for about 2 days now, and have already got the happy praise and support of the Officers in the shop. Hopefully I can continue to impress them, and we can continue to improve things in the shop, and in the nation. I can’t go in to too much detail, but things in Iraq are a LOT different now than when I was here last time. The primary mission these days is building the infra-structure, instead of killing bad guys. And, granted, it has been 3 1/2 years since I was here last time, but WOW! has the lot of the local Iraqi improved. There is still a long way to go, but there has been remarkable progress in both gaining the love (as compared to the fear or grudging support) of the populace, and in making the government viable. When I left, the very idea of an Iraqi Army was laughable. Now, the Iraqi Army conducts independent patrols, and does a good job with them, for the most part. I am very impressed with what our nation has done for theirs…

I thought you’d like to know.

Nada. Zilch. Nothing.

Mr. has not heard any info about anything either way. I’m trying not to think about it. Thankfully, life is busy enough that whether we’re moving or not is not at the forefront of my mind all the time. Maybe my lack of ability to control the situation is why I’m doing so well on my diet. I’m pouring my need for control into that instead.

I’ve lost 4 pounds and 3 1/2 inches in my waist in three weeks. I haven’t really started regular exercise, yet, but I’ve been very good about eating healthy and drinking fluids. I feel better then I’ve felt in a very long time. Food monitoring has become my new obsession. I guess it’s a healthy obsession, but it can be time consuming.

*****

This is the photo that I used for my Father’s Day post. I was 3 years old. I had to show you the whole picture. I love how off-center I am in the shot. Good old-fashioned amateur photography from the 70’s! No cropping, no photoshop. Just a wonderful, dated snapshot. What’s really neat, to me, is that I can see exactly where this was taken in my grandparents’ home. I’m imagining that my grandpa took this while sitting in his recliner in the den.

Ahhh, warm fuzzy feelings in my heart…

I sent this to my dad for Father’s Day. The picture of him is current, the little girl is me at age 3.

Although we’ve been assured that we will be moving to Illinois this winter, we’ve yet to get the written orders. It was the end of March when Mr. was given verbal orders. He was told the written ones would come in a couple of weeks. Navy time is not the same as standard time. Two to three weeks means a few months.

I knew this would happen. I even told Mr. that I wouldn’t believe we were really going until we had the papers in hand. Yet, I still started gearing up to move. I began figuring the finances and boxing some things up and selling some things. I’ve even told everyone, including you.

The orders have been approved by Mr.’s department and this command. The detailer said it was a go. Still, the papers haven’t come. And now, Mr. finds out that the person that was supposed to come to his department this summer has been assigned to another one. Nothing he can say will change that. He tried. So the concern now, is that the Great Navy Powers that Be will notice that no one new is coming in and won’t let him leave. Even though he’s been there for 7 years and several others have come and gone in that time.

That’s what he gets for being a great worker. A couple of the ones that have been “allowed” to go were sent to other departments because they were being pains in the tuckus. Because they’re in the hospital, just in different areas, my husband’s clinic is short-staffed, with no hope of getting anyone else. Therefore, he’s stuck. He’s screwed. We’re screwed.

Maybe. The thing is, we just don’t know. If we don’t find out soon, he will no longer be in his window of time to cut new orders before his original expected time to leave in April ‘09. (That’s a whole different set of issues). It’s the not knowing that is so extremely stressful. This waiting game is not fun. Ask any military family. You think you know, but then maybe you don’t. Then things change and it’s possible you know something again. Ah, but you’re wrong, “they” changed there mind. Again. And again. Everything is a definite maybe in the military life.

Thanks for listening to me rant. I needed to blow off some steam. Even if everything will change by tomorrow.

Photo by Kevin Mosley

Edited to add: Ha! I just noticed the creative numbering in this list. Kim’s fault I copied and pasted and then added my answers. My fault. I didn’t even look.

Kim made me do this.

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes
2. Have you ever smoked? Yes. I smoked from age 14 to 22, quit until I was 35 and smoked for about a year and quit again.
3. Do you own a gun ? No
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? We don’t have Sonic here.
5. Do you get nervous before dr. appts ? Only for the yearly GYN torture exam.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I love my dachshund.
7. Favorite Christmas song? What Child is This.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Juice
9. Can you do push ups? The girl kind.
10. What do you order at Starbucks? Grande Hazlenut Mocha, no-fat.
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? I have several favorites. Too many to name. I love jewelry.
12. Favorite hobby? Cross-stitching.
11. How do you eat your eggs? With a fork.
15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? I’m always tired.
16. Middle name? Lynn
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I wish the dog would stop barking. I wish I was done with these questions. What am I going to make for dinner?
18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? I didn’t buy anything yesterday! I’ll have to make up for that today.
19. Three drinks you regularly drink? Water, Cranberry Juice, Tea.
20. Current worry right now? Selling stuff and organizing for moving.
21. Current hate right now? Cleaning. (And Kim, for making me do this).
22. Favorite place to be? Home.
23. How did you bring in the New Years? At home with Mr. and the Kids.
24. Where would you like to go? On a cruise.
25. Name three people who will complete this. You, you and you.
26. Do you own slippers? Yes, but the kids usually steal them because I kick them off without realizing it.
27. What shirt are you wearing? A short-sleeved turquoise top that is really cute.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Yes. And Flannel. And Cotton. And Jersey. Heck, I just like to sleep!
29. Can you whistle? Yes. But not really loud.
30. Favorite color? Blue. Bright, royal blue.
31. Would you be a pirate? No, I like to shower.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? It’s the Pirates Life for Me. (Ha - not really, I don’t sing in the shower).
33. Favorite girl’s name? Jennifer (I know, that’s weird).
34. Favorite boy’s name? David
35. What’s in your pocket right now? My hand to see if there was anything in it. There’s not. Except for my hand.
36. Last thing that made you laugh? The dog.
37. Best bed sheets as a child? Holly Hobbie.
38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Childbirth.
39. Do you love where you live? Nope.
40. How many TV’s do you have? 3
41. Who is your loudest friend? Mr.
42. How many dogs do you have? 3
43. What are you thrilled about right now? Nothing.
44. Do you have a crush on someone? Wouldn’t you like to know?
45. What is your favorite book? I love books, I can’t choose a favorite.
46. What is your favorite candy? Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
47. Favorite Sports Team? The Bennington Whales. (My kids’ swim team).
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Oh Happy Day. (I really don’t care).
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Sleeping.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? I gotta pee.

Consider yourself tagged if you want to be.

Sweetheart turned five years old this week. It’s hard to believe the baby of the family is so big.

She is a remarkable little girl. I’ve called her my sweetheart since she was born, because she’s practically edible, she’s so sweet.

9 months

She’s always been a little clown. She does whatever she can to get a laugh.

Age 2

Age 3 at DisneyWorld

She has always loved the camera. And the camera loves her.

Age 4, Easter 2007

5th Birthday Party with her sisters

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!